I resent all that you stand for
I resent that’s what drew me to you in the first place
I resent that hating you is getting easier by the day
For my sermon to choose you seems hypocritical
I resent that I feel small to a bigger sight of you
I resent all these mixed up feelings that get me stuck in the headlights
I am not sorry; I just want you gone
If you feel that way, go the other way and let’s never meet at any crossroads
No choice should ever be birthed from this and yet the human that I am wants to reject you before you do it to me.
I despise what this is doing to me, and should just let go
But for what all that I feel can’t take away that it is still you
You built a wall and I made it permanent
Together we added bricks to cement that old grudge
For each wants to win at this battle of holding back
There is a huge lump in my throat that I am winning
It’s crazy that what led to this was just that an unspoken disappointment
I am no judge or jury but I can see the verdict that lies between us
That we are ending…
That what we could be no longer holds that trophy
We are turning into the walking dead that smells any blood as long it ain’t us
I know I will find us at any stage, shouting the loudest
Advising the multitudes for what we can never tell each other in that dark room
We turned black and blue from all that silent backlash
I can’t seem to move towards you anymore
We can’t seem to find each other in the light
For what shines brighter is we ain’t enough anymore
That truth is a consolation to me, an ointment to a wound that I carried for so long
That I no longer have to try
That loving you was becoming a loss
That gnawed on that person that once a cared
I wonder if my new found freedom means that I am that exception to a rule
That old skeleton finally out
For a reality check that I wasn’t haunted
For I was the ghost.
By UBB
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