Dear God

I am writing, for fear takes my words

Like an invisible hand that covers my mouth

Stitching my lips not to say out loud what my soul is

Is it wrong that you took more than you gave

That’s how I feel

Regardless of what my spirit reveals

In agony, my being has stopped hoping

I reach out for a shred of a blessing

To have like I have sought

To see a presence behind my wide open door

But a decade of my name in your book

And still I AM not

 You called and all that I am responded

But to this day, my voice hits a wall

Is this purgatory? But then isn’t grace the currency in your world?

I pray, for I’m flesh

Is this Dante's inferno or

Da Vinci's last supper?

Are you dropping me to finally lift me up

Am I weak for you to be almighty?

All these questions for answers I know I won't like

And yet your will... It's said

And yet here I'm still, waiting for my three wise men

Is it gold I ask? Or Myrrh you will provide

These words, I can't utter out loud.

The image ingrained in me of who I think you're

Still haunts me to this day

Is the best I want for myself

The good, Adonai's will has for me

Have I truly seen your goodness?

Or am I the tail to everyone else's head

Am I to find you here, when my prayers couldn't

Oh Dear God...

By UBB

Image: From Pinterest

For W.

What do you want to hear

That fear may always transcend

That somehow I may be the villain in everybody’s story

That invisible strings have always held me back

That seclusion is comfort

That I don’t have to be

For I am already

That Walls don’t ask

And books have given

Without asking in return

I’m not that girl

I won’t ever ask

But somehow I will hope

That in my silence you will hear

That If I hold back, I want more

If I avoid, look for me

If I ask for space

Let me at least feel your touch

For whatever is unsaid is to be deciphered

But that’s hard work nobody wants to sign on

And you will never know I was looking

Vacant spaces are my imaginary friends

We held it together

In filled rooms smiling with friends

I am a void, you should avoid

For even my existence is a mystery to me

I am glad you asked, but you shouldn’t have

I should have let you believe you knew

For we are worlds, with each his gravitational pull

By UBB

Image: Pinterest

Crimson (Poem)

Have you ever bled and walked?

I have

And smiled through the day

On my Sunday sofa, telling the tales of my happy week

You didn’t see my gashing wound

For I live to be perfect

Nobody to say they saw me hit bottom

This isn’t pride. But survival

Relationships won’t survive

For my hands can’t hold another but myself

Stitching my arms and legs in place

To walk and stretch like I am human

But days go by, showing that I am but a former person of myself

I bleed for the whole world to see,

but my smile can’t allow you to see crimson

and my loud laughter to shadow my shortness of breath

I am losing it all, but my feet know nothing of halting

Doesn’t nobody hear my echoing cry

But then the world taught y’all

To look for the shout, and be offended by silence

Hence many die in warm covers and concrete homes

I have bled, and paid for dinner

Sat in my own pool of blood, and yet as a bard I kept your ears occupied

Lately I am half living, a corpse told that life has no mercy

Sleeping in is not an option,

For morning comes and finds me a thousand steps behind

For I bleed and sticth

UBB

Picture: downloaded from Pinterest