Figures (POEM)

Do we all have it figured out?

Is there truly a snippet of a moment when all fall into place?

When all the pieces finally take form

Or is life a thief in the night

Adorned with a mask to come rob you of all certainty?

Or a master meant to snatch away that confidence?

So many questions to take away my faith

That I will never have lean on anything

Is it from a jealous God or from my prideful heart?

My victories stretch out like a big canvas

My mind holding that brush, for a moment it feels like I have it all

Everything is where it should be, I am finally who I should be

That dance I could never learn

Those steps that could never sync with my reflexes

I hate that I yearn for more, something outside of all contexts

For it takes those small pleasures of life away

And I am left to just be…

My sentences never end

Lonely nights came to seal that reality in me

I am tired that my future is tied to what I feel I will never have

I despise those pillars that were never strong enough to hold me

I loathe myself for that cycling mistakes of leaning on

For its never for long

Is that what’s been decided to be enough for me?

I stand confused and tortured

For I gave lived and held on

A coward I became to never toss that coin

For on the other side is engraved with death and moments that end

What do I do now?

To stand still and just be

To reject all of what pulled me through

Will that put an end to that torment that I AM?

To reject that old wisdom that I have but to become.

I want to spit in the face of that old sage

And shout that I have had enough

I am human and broken

Forever meant to be a casualty ‘

Of a war I can never win

and an identity I can never escape.

Model: Keza Fiona